They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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