Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
