..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
