I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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