walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
