So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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