talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
