Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
