My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
