meet me or not, i'm out of control
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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