The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize