Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
porn star boner night. come get it.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
They left me at home... I'm a liability
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
