We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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