Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
