You're my little dorito
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Randomize
