just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
