I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
