This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
