Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
