I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
