i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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