Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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