Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
