Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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