my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
