i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
