well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
