There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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