I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
