my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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