Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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