Three words: puerto rican gang bang
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
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