i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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