can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
