Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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