Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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