And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
