North Korea, Best Korea!
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
