Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I supernannyed him into submission
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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