If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
