I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
