You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize