If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
