4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
40s are totally the cure
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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