I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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