i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
