i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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