Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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