He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
