think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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