Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
