Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
