I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize