i think i have two assholes
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
