I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
