Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize