he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
