I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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