he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
