The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
