I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
