i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I believe in your delicious
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
