**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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