I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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