I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
