Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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