Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
