You're so nebulous sometimes
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
