i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize