you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
