he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
