help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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