I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
