Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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