I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
