I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
