Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
