Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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