FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
