you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
