I am puke
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize