i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
