it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
