i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize