My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
