Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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