i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
