I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
