i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
