he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
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