i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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