i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
