Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
