Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
