well I can't set my house on fire every night
I skipped work to stalk him.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
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