Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
