So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
