you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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