Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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