I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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