I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
