i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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