I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
