omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You can't just leave with hair like that
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Randomize
