Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
