You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
