Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
