Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
