Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
