Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
