if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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