the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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