Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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