So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
