We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I am available for nakedness
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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