Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
